tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51969687417552270482024-03-05T10:56:09.449-06:00My Two BossesI am Jess. I am a full-time working mom, so it feels like I have two bosses. One of them is 2" tall and craps his pants daily, yet he rules my life. The other is retirement age and has hard to decipher handwriting.
Me? I love my work and love my son. I stress easily because I'm a recovering perfectionist. This blog will hopefully chronicle the little ways that I save time so that I have extra to spend on the things that really matter.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.comBlogger176125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-91098594867994709012011-01-27T21:51:00.000-06:002011-01-27T21:51:38.932-06:00Thursday, January 27The Good:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Had tea and water with my breakfast.</li>
<li>Restrained myself from eating the hot tamales on my boss's desk during our afternoon meeting.</li>
<li>Had a healthy lunch -- lean cuisine pizza.</li>
</ul><br />
<br />
Regrets:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul><li>When the afternoon rolled around and I was hungry (after all a lean cuisine pizza isn't filling), I grabbed an orange from my purse, but it wasn't good, so I had a bag of potato chips that I was storing in my drawer. Yuck. They didn't even taste that good.</li>
<li>I got my haircut at the end of the day. Work had been stressful so when they offered me wine, I accepted.</li>
<li>After these two missteps, I let the rest of the day slide, indulging in a beer and appetizers at the neighborhood bar.</li>
</ul><br />
<br />
Lesson Learned: Just because you make one bad move doesn't mean you have to screw up the rest of the day.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-41588720319212050142011-01-27T09:45:00.000-06:002011-01-27T09:45:35.816-06:00Wednesday, January 26The good:<br />
<ul><li>Ran for 30 minutes before work. I'm not into getting up early to work out, but James got me up around 6 wanting to nurse, so I just stayed up and went to the gym.</li>
<li> Had a work luncheon (are you seeing a theme here?) with tiramisu. At first, I didn't get any, but everyone was raving about it, so I decided not to eat my polenta and try the tiramisu instead. I relished every bit and it was delicious.</li>
<li>I get super hungry between 4 pm and dinner time. I picked up a Reese's peanut butter cup off a co-worker's desk to satisfy my late afternoon slump. In a move that was truly miraculous, I set it back down and didn't eat it! </li>
</ul><br />
The bad:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Brett and I had a mini date night last night. This pretty much just means that we open a bottle of wine, watch some TV together and then have sex. We had champagne. I know it's not good for me, but it's such a big part of our tradition together.</li>
</ul>I'm learning that sweets are definitely my weak point. Also, between 3 and 6 pm are the dangerous hours for me. I thought ahead and brought an orange yesterday, but that didn't satisfy me. I was craving sweets and salty carbs. Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-74757805030400415492011-01-25T20:49:00.000-06:002011-01-25T20:49:25.161-06:00Tuesday, December 25The Good:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Forced myself to drink 20 ounces of water and a mug of chamomile tea before I allowed myself to have my first soda.</li>
<li>At a work-related lunch, I snapped my chocolate chip cookie in half and only ate half!</li>
<li>I'm sitting on the couch with the Hubbs right now to watch the State of the Union address. Usually, this would be the perfect time for a glass of wine, but instead I'm having a cafe au caramel decaf tea.</li>
</ul><br />
<br />
Regrets:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Had a site visit and the development director proudly presented me with homemade cookies. I couldn't really say no or break them in half, so I ate one -- it was good!</li>
<li>Went back for seconds of hard shell, homemade, turkey tacos. </li>
</ul>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-12536357905640377292011-01-24T21:47:00.000-06:002011-01-24T21:47:17.290-06:00Monday, January 24I am less than two weeks away from turning 29. I'm 5'4" and weigh 151 pounds, according to the scale on the second floor of my gym. BMI: 25.9<br />
<br />
I'm not happy with that and am determined to do something to change it.<br />
<br />
Here's what's working against me:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul><li>I have a child and any smidge of free time that I have, I like to spend it with him.</li>
<li>I grew up with the adage, "I don't mind cooking as long as you eat a lot." This manifests itself in my inability to leave food on my plate at home, restaurants, etc.</li>
<li>Within the next year, we plan to try for baby #2. It's hard for me to imagine losing a bunch of weight only to get pregnant again.</li>
<li>I have an all or nothing personality. Traditionally, I've either taken the extreme approach of counting each and every calorie I consume or just saying F*** it and eating everything my little heart desires.</li>
</ul><br />
<br />
Here's what's working for me:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul><li>I started running in early October to train for a 5k. That race is this Sunday, which I'm excited about. Perhaps more importantly, I've come to enjoy running (never more than 30 minutes at a time) and have the gym membership, jogging stroller, running shoes, etc. that I need to stick with this.</li>
<li>I have a little boy who is eating real, live people food. I've done some reading on how to instill healthy eating habits in him and how/what I eat will be one of the strongest predictors of how/what he eats. His health is a great motivation for me, more so than my own health.</li>
<li>I'm still a breastfeeding mom, which should still be burning a decent amount of calories</li>
</ul><br />
<br />
Here's my plan:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>I will weigh myself every Monday on that damn scale at the gym, which of course will require going to the gym every Monday.</li>
<li>I will not go crazy about this weight loss idea -- I've done that before and I was miserable. If anyone still reads this crazy, mixed-up, sporadically used blog of mine, please hold me to this pledge. Let me know if you see me cross the line from simply trying to live a cleaner, healthier life to trying to be skinny at all costs.</li>
<li>I will try to blog daily (who am I kidding, this won't happen) to list three decisions I'm proud of and three that I wish I would have made differently.</li>
</ul><div>Three Decisions Today that I'm Proud Of:</div><div><ul><li>I went to the gym and ran for 30 minutes.</li>
<li>I was really, really hungry when I got home from work. Usually while I'm cooking dinner, I'll eat graham crackers or Goldfish to hold me over. Today, I peeled myself an orange and also nibbled on some baby carrots.</li>
<li>I had a chicken caesar wrap at a work function. Toward the end of the wrap, there was no goodness left in the bottom, just plain tortilla. I stopped eating when it stopped tasting good.</li>
</ul></div><div><br />
</div><div>Three Decisions I Regret:</div><div><ul><li>The work function I went to for lunch had dessert boxes with 2 cookies in them. I ate 1.5 of the cookies, which I'd actually be fine with, except most of the time I was thinking that they were clearly not homemade and didn't taste that good to me.</li>
<li>I hate drinking water. I'm absolutely horrible at it and today was no exception. I think I maybe had a glass with lunch, but that was it.</li>
<li>I had an early morning and ate a protein bar for breakfast. It was not enough to satisfy me so by about 9:30 am I was hungry again. I reached in my purse for an apple I had stashed away, but the apple had gone bad, so I threw it out. I had an orange in my purse too, but I was too lazy to peel it. I wish I would've. </li>
</ul></div>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-52744761643272587492010-12-08T13:46:00.000-06:002010-12-08T13:46:13.895-06:00MovingWe are moving offices. Well, kind of. We are just moving from one set of crummy, sterile cubicles to a different set of crummy, sterile cubicles. Some of my officemates are really struggling to get all of their stuff boxed up. However, I'm all ready to go. I think it helps that I just moved offices in June since we had a new employee start. <br />
<br />
Also, being of the electronic generation, I only keep paper copies of things that aren't available electronically. I guess that requires placing some faith in technology, but I'm willing to do so. I keep a pretty clean and organized office without too much junk lying around. I do have a lot of family pictures up.<br />
<br />
So, any ideas for making my new office a little less drab? How do you jazz up your working space?Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-28000626300379875892010-12-07T11:11:00.000-06:002010-12-07T11:11:25.346-06:00Happy First Birthday to JamesWow, today is a completely surreal day. My son is now a year old. I feel like it was just a few days ago that I was on maternity leave, soaking up the smells of a newborn and learning to live with sleep deprivation. It feels like it was only a couple weeks ago that I was at my desk with my hand on my belly waiting to feel little baby kicks.<br />
<br />
I would live the past year over and over again if I could. It was a year of magic for me.<br />
<br />
We celebrated with a wonderful party in James' honor. The food was all ready, party favors were wrapped and ready to go, and pictures were strung along the mantle. All of this was under my control. What I couldn't be sure of was how James would handle the day. However, he made me so proud.<br />
<br />
He ate almost every bite of his smash cake and tore into his presents like he totally knew what he was doing. <br />
<br />
So, here at one year, I want to write a little love note to my son...<br />
<br />
Dear James,<br />
<br />
You are one year old today. It's hard to believe that I've had the privilege of being your mommy for a whole year now. I've watched you grow from a little newborn who always slept if someone was willing to hold him into an infant who always cried if no one would hold him into a toddler who stretches out his arms and grunts if he wants someone to hold him.<br />
<br />
When you first came into our lives you were a blank canvas. We didn't know who you were or who we were as parents. Over the past year, we've learned a lot. As parents, your daddy and I relish in you. We both love nothing more than to come home at the end of the work day, plop you on the rug in the living room and watch you play. Almost every morning when you wake up, we carry you into our bed and snuggle. As you slowly wake up, you start babbling, grabbing at our noses and hands. We have faith in your ability to grow. We haven't pushed you to sit up or crawl or stand or walk. We've just sat back and assumed that you would hit all these milestones in time and you have.<br />
<br />
I've also learned a few things about myself as a mother. I'm not a "tough love" kind of gal. You went through a fairly long phase where you wanted to be held almost all the time. You were around 6 months old and could even sit up on your own, but you weren't content to play on your own. I could've just let you cry, but I didn't have it in me. Instead, I scooped you up, busted out the baby carrier and held you close. And, you know what? You got over it.<br />
<br />
I love nursing you. We've made it one whole year without having to supplement at all. I'm proud of that. It's given me confidence that, with the right start, women can have a wonderful, fulfilling nursing relationship with their child. You are old enough now to tell me when you want to nurse, either by tapping on my chest or pulling my shirt down. It's usually only early in the morning or right before bed and I happily give in. You still get up in the night, usually around 5:30 am. Daddy brings you into our bed and you snuggle up against me and nurse until you fall back to sleep. I love the coziness of it. I usually rub your back, which is still baby soft and smooth.<br />
<br />
I've learned a lot about who you are. You are a sensitive kid. If I tell you "no," you always stop what you are doing and sometimes you even cry because you've been reprimanded. That's how mommy was when she was little. For your own sake, we might have to work on developing a thicker skin. Mommy wishes she had that. <br />
<br />
If you are hungry or tired or sick, you just want to be with mommy or daddy, but if you feel well, you want to be with other people. We were out to eat the other night and you were so intrigued with the lady at the table next to us. You could not stop watching her, to the point that we had a hard time feeding you at all. She got up to leave and as she passed behind your highchair, you threw a piece of your food at her. I think you were trying to share or maybe just get her attention so you could meet her.<br />
<br />
You let your happiness consume you and I love that. When you smile, it's not just a half-cocked smirk or a slight upturn of the mouth. It's a full grin, teeth-bared, eyes dancing, feet kicking. It warms me to the core and makes me willing to sacrifice everything I am and everything I have for you.<br />
<br />
I want you to be kind and confident. I want you to be the kid who is nice to everyone, no matter how different or downtrodden they are. I want you to find a career that you love and someone to share your life with. I want you to become a father someday because it's one of the most amazing joys in life. I want you to work hard, but not let it rule your life. Most of all, I want you to be happy. I want to raise a child who has the capacity to be happy.<br />
<br />
Love you forever,<br />
<br />
Mom <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJOpMuN282kdt95BxLIV-3NurC6yBDNyT7CPEMzz74KBN2waxlPL8QkhpNUzpCMR8WpF9PfeAV9-PgIergk9fGdI6un8ZseptB2kfI572RQYxhLdPkrm3ua3CKhq_EHD2UAWYqeB8Pablx/s1600/_MG_0454.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJOpMuN282kdt95BxLIV-3NurC6yBDNyT7CPEMzz74KBN2waxlPL8QkhpNUzpCMR8WpF9PfeAV9-PgIergk9fGdI6un8ZseptB2kfI572RQYxhLdPkrm3ua3CKhq_EHD2UAWYqeB8Pablx/s320/_MG_0454.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-36896698448636158092010-11-29T15:10:00.000-06:002010-11-29T15:10:17.381-06:00Black FridayIf you're anything like me, you don't procrastinate. It's a sickness, I swear. I am obsessed with taking care of things in advance. I hate having to do things last-minute, so I plan and plan and plan. Sometimes I think that my need to do things early actually creates more work for me because I find myself getting something done and cross it off my to-do list, only to revisit the decision about 15 times. For example, James' first birthday party is this weekend. In preparation, I started getting ready about 3 months ago. As a result, I have worried about this party for three whole months. I'm pretty sure I could've ignored the whole thing until about a month ago and still planned an awesome shindig (and spared myself from three months of prep/anxiety/worrying).<br />
<br />
Usually, I do all my Christmas shopping in October and have all the gifts purchased and wrapped by Thanksgiving. By the time my family members are finally telling me what's on their wish list, my shopping is done. I decided to be a little less anal and do my shopping on Black Friday. Now, I'm sure you're imagining crazies trampling one another in a Wal-Mart parking lot for a shot at a 19" LCD TV, but this was different. We bought a newspaper Thanksgiving morning, decided what to buy, and made a list of stores to visit. <br />
<br />
We made a day out of it and, dare I admit this, it was really fun. We woke up around 5:30 am on Friday, treated ourselves to a McDonald's breakfast and coffee, then headed to the stores. Within 6 hours, I had completed all of my Christmas shopping (except gifts for my mom because she was with me). That night, we spent about an hour gift wrapping and now I am done. So much easier than going nuts trying to get everything done early.<br />
<br />
The best part of the Christmas shopping was James' doll. I got him a gender-neutral doll. Yes, I know he's a boy, but I think the "dolls are for girls" rule perpetuates this silly idea that only women can care for children. My mom was very negative about the idea, suggesting that it would make him a sissy. On Friday night when we were wrapping, James saw his doll in the pile of stuff. He walked over, held its, hand, touched its nose, and leaned in to give it a kiss. My heart melted and my mom saw the light. I can't wait for him to unwrap it on Christmas morning.<br />
<br />
What are your kids getting for the holidays?Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-21262658431590367942010-11-17T21:52:00.000-06:002010-11-17T21:52:05.587-06:00Sick BabyAbout two weeks ago, James came down with a stomach bug. It was pretty much his first time being sick and it pained me.<br />
<br />
The worst part was that he was sick on a day when I absolutely <i>had</i> to be at work. My husband works from home and has decent flexibility, so luckily he was able to take care of James. But, I wanted to be the one taking care of him. He needed and wanted his mama. I had to leave right after he threw up and he was clinging to me with al his might.<br />
<br />
That's the struggle of the working mom. It's hard enough to see your baby sick and know that there's nothing you can do aside from be a source of comfort. It's even worse when your work obligations force you to rely on someone else to care for your sick babe.<br />
<br />
Here we are, exactly two weeks later, and James is sick again with the same exact bug. I think that he gave it to our babysitter's son who gave it back to James. Unfortunately, my husband left early this morning on work-related travel, so I was on my own to manage the day. It came at a bad time.<br />
<br />
I took last Friday off to spend some time with James, then I was out of the office on work-related travel on both Monday and Tuesday. I had lots to take care of at work today, so I brought James along for a bit. About an hour into the morning it became clear that he was tired and in desperate need of a nap. I was lucky that our sitter lives nearby and said she'd watch him for a bit. I figured that if he was sleeping, it would be hard for him to get anyone else sick. He took a two hour nap, which gave me a great chance to get some work done.<br />
<br />
As soon as he woke up, I picked him back up and took him home. My mom drove up tonight and is going to watch him tomorrow. It's a 3-hour drive, so I very much appreciate her willingness to help.<br />
<br />
For all the working moms out there, what's your backup plan when your kid(s) are too sick for child care?Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-86890895678813844362010-11-11T08:49:00.003-06:002010-11-11T09:06:51.351-06:00Crockpot Turkey BreastDoes anyone else find it absolutely exhausting to cook for your family? I get home each night after a loooong day of work, stare into my fridge and think, "Shit, these people need to eat." My hubby? He's a meat guy. If I even think of serving up a vegetarian dish, he will semi-politely chow down, excuse himself from the table, and heat up a frozen pizza. He must meet his daily quotient of meat!<br /><br />Baby J, on the other hand, needs his veggies. Did he tell me this? No. Would he even agree with it if he could talk? Probably not. But, mama bear has decided that J absolutely must be a veggie lover. I try to very hard to make sure we have a veggie, preferably green in color, with every single meal.<br /><br />Me? If I had my way I'd eat a frozen meal or bowl of cereal for dinner. I suppose I should want to eat yummy, nutritious food. I guess I do, but I don't care about it enough to actually cook. When hubby is out of town for work, my staple is a bean burrito. It takes about 2 minutes to prepare and leaves me satisfied.<br /><br />So, I'm always looking for ways to have scrumptious food around that will satisfy my boys without sucking all my time and energy. Here's a great, easy meal that we had last week...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Crockpot Turkey Breast</span><br /><br />Ingredients:<br />Turkey Breast<br />Stick of butter<br />Packet of french onion soup mix<br />Salt<br /><br />Directions:<br />Defrost the turkey breast. This is probably the most time-consuming part of the whole thing. Plan a day or two in advance and set the turkey in your sink to defrost for a few hours before sticking it in the fridge to finish the process. Technically, I think it's only supposed to defrost in the fridge, but I broke the rule and we all survived, so give it a shot.<br /><br />Unpack the turkey, throw away the gizzard packet, and run some cold water over the turkey breast. Pat it dry with a paper towel, then coat it in salt. I used kosher salt, but any ol' salt would do.<br /><br />Place the turkey in your crockpot. Turn the crockpot to low.<br /><br />Melt a stick of butter in the microwave. (Sidenote: We have the most awesome microwave. It came with our house and I love it. Why? It has a single button you push to melt butter. I know, I know, that saves me all of 1.2 seconds, but it makes life <span style="font-style: italic;">feel </span>easier.)<br /><br />Pour the butter over the turkey. Empty the French Onion soup packet into the crockpot. Mix it into the butter as best as you can.<br /><br />Put the lid on the crockpot and let it cook for about 8 hours on low. If you are home, you can occasionally use a basting brush to coat the turkey with the dressing, but it's not necessary.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Side Dish: Fall Veggies</span><br /><br />I'd like to tell you that this started with a recipe, but it didn't. It started with me trying to cut corners and make a meal out of a hodgepodge of stuff that had been hanging out in my fridge too long. Have I mentioned I get produce delivered every two weeks? Yeah, I'll have to post on that soon.<br /><br />Ingredients:<br />Fall veggies<br />Turkey drippings<br /><br />Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.<br /><br />Cut your veggies into fairly small cubes (about 1" at the thickest). I used turnips, sweet potatoes, new potatoes, and onion. <br /><br />Place cut veggies into a roasting pan.<br /><br />Use one of those basting bulb/sucky things to transfer liquid from your turkey breast crockpot into the roasting pan. I transferred almost all of it. You pretty much just want to be sure that there's at least a 1/8 inch of liquid standing in your pan.<br /><br />Put the roasting pan in your oven. Now, go do something else. Me? Hubby and I are training for a 5k. It sucks and I hate it. So, we went for a run while the veggies cooked.<br /><br />We came back and ate up the super scrumptiousness. Hubby liked it, but J? He loved it. He could not get enough of the roasted veggies.<br /><br />The best part? This meal produced so much food that we had leftovers for lunch and dinner the next day.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-35993069439450603472010-10-18T16:00:00.004-05:002010-10-18T16:14:37.803-05:00Geez, I'm bad at this...I'm sorry, but not too sorry. I started this blog as a place to record my journey, to write when I need to. I didn't start it to make a name or a business for myself. So, I don't update all the time, or even often. I hope you understand that sometimes just living my life takes up all the time I have to offer.<br /><br />Despite feeling immensely busy over the past couple of months, there's nothing terribly newsworthy. James is growing up right on track. He's crawling like a maniac and even took a couple steps last night. I'm not 100% sure it counts as walking though, because it was really just a gradual fall with a few steps included on the way down.<br /><br />He's really starting to develop some personality. I think that he's going to be sensitive like his mama. Over the past few weeks, we have started telling him, "No." when he does something unsafe like playing with the bulb of his nightlight or trying to eat the dog's food. When we say no, he automatically stops and looks back at us. And then moves onto something else. Last week, he bit my arm. I think it was a teething thing, not an anger thing because we were just snuggling at the time. I yelled, "OOOOwwww" and then pretended to cry, because I'd read online that this helps babies understand that they've hurt you. James got a very concerned look on his face and proceeded to cry himself.<br /><br />He's also started making a hilarious face when he eats. It's a little squinty-eyed mean face. When he makes it, he snorts in and out through his nose. It's really funny, especially since I have no clue where he learned it from.<br /><br />He's sleeping better now, too. We let him cry it out, which really only involved him crying through night wakings for two nights. All in all, he probably cried an hour each night before he started sleeping through the night. He'll go to bed around 8:30, then I'll dreamfeed him around 11:00 pm. He gets up around 6:30 and then will go back down until 8 if I let him,<br /><br />He's still breastfed and I'm so happy about that. One of my favorite moments of the day is snatching him out of his crib every night before I go to bed. He stays asleep, but instinctively cuddles up and latches on. He doesn't nurse well during the day because there's too much distraction, but his dreamfeed and early morning feeding are huge! I feel like he guzzles so much milk.<br /><br />My work is going well. I love having the flexibility to take off a day here and there. I've done it a couple of times so far. I usually spend the day hanging with James, going to the store, the park, etc. I think it's all standard stuff, but it's so precious to me.<br /><br />He's absolutely amazing to me.<br /><br />Here's one of his 9-month photos.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsbFUDxRXJHbE6lRoFxryxM-cUcTSZGr_UcL-jQDd5kxLgxcQz8hhtnm6iqFLVQMtvWpmU4JwDwKwF8JMQBErOh9r-7GpAnnKEigFCbLFX0U6Bf0hXTtKf6bIibpzmQRNF-JwHmH5PUxoU/s1600/9mos.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsbFUDxRXJHbE6lRoFxryxM-cUcTSZGr_UcL-jQDd5kxLgxcQz8hhtnm6iqFLVQMtvWpmU4JwDwKwF8JMQBErOh9r-7GpAnnKEigFCbLFX0U6Bf0hXTtKf6bIibpzmQRNF-JwHmH5PUxoU/s320/9mos.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5529495041212404978" border="0" /></a>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-50246547539725166862010-08-28T17:23:00.002-05:002010-08-28T17:31:56.427-05:00ExhaleMy work-life balance is finally getting to a place that I can handle. I met with my boss a few weeks ago and, with tears in my eyes, pleaded for some flexibility. I felt like I was missing out on so much. It wasn't that I worried that the separation was bad for James. It was that I knew it was bad for me. <div><br /></div><div>At the end of a long week, I just felt like I hadn't had my fill of my little boy. </div><div><br /></div><div>My boss said that he understood where I was coming from, but couldn't give preferential treatment to people with kids. I responded like a professional, noting that I understood his concern and would try to come up with a flex option that wasn't necessarily preferential treatment. Then, as any professional mother would, I went and cried in my office.</div><div><br /></div><div>I decided to let the issue lie since he seemed reluctant to grant me flexibility. Just in case, tough, I came up with three flex options that involved some sort of pay cut. I thought this would make it clear that it wasn't preferential.</div><div><br /></div><div>He brought the issue up at our weekly check-in on Thursday and I had three ideas ready to go. The final decision is that I will be able to take an additional 20 days off each year as leave without pay. This is in addition to my 15 vacation days, 3 personal days, and 6 sick days. I'm so thrilled to have the option to take days off occasionally when I just feel like I need to be at home for my own sanity.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sure, there's a pay cut involved, but my boss also told me the good news that they are realigning salary schedules for certain positions that have been underpaid and mine is one of them. Even with the additional days off, he expects my take-home pay to remain the same as it is now or increase. Woohoo!</div><div><br /></div><div>It makes me love my job again. Plus, I feel like I can exhale. I don't have to fight and claw to each moment with my son because I can choose to spend a random day at home with James.</div><div><br /></div>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-38596882680391574692010-08-25T16:26:00.001-05:002010-08-25T16:33:02.099-05:00Fun While It LastedJames,<br /><br />I know how much fun it is to wake up and play with mommy in the middle of the night. You get to drink milk from your favorite place, hear mommy sing you songs, get rocked, and sometimes you get a fresh diaper too. However, mommy is getting pretty darn sick of getting up with you twice a night, so I'm afraid these days are coming to an end.<br /><br />You are so good about going to sleep easily and at a consistent time each night, but you are also good at waking up to nurse every three to four hours during the night. Why?<br /><br />Jess<br /><br />Anyone out there had experience with frequent night wakings? My pedi says that it's all just a habit and we need to pick a night and let him cry through the night. The problem is that he is genuinely hungry when I go in and nurse him -- he drinks like a madman, which he hardly does anymore during the day since he's too busy playing. I worry that I'll be depriving him of much-needed nutrition if I don't nurse him at night.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-9461628677060776712010-08-20T11:42:00.002-05:002010-08-20T11:48:17.371-05:00Love, Love, LoveSometimes I just can't believe how much of it I have. When I look at that little boy, cuddled up beside me on the bed or crawling like a wild man across the kitchen floor, my heart nearly explodes.<div><br /></div><div>Remember those first days and months with a new boyfriend? That feeling that your relationship was full of *new.* You fell asleep thinking of him, slept dreaming of him, and woke up counting the minutes or days until you could see him.</div><div><br /></div><div>As Brett and I near 12 years together and six years of marriage, that adrenaline rush is, for the most part, gone. Rather than being the relationship equivalent of a new pair of heels or a flashy leather jacket, Brett's my sensible yet cute flats or my cozy cable knit cardigan. My heart may not skip a beat at the sight of him, but I swoon in a different way when I crawl into bed with him and gently drape my foot over his. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm just fine with that.</div><div><br /></div><div>But, James, he's my exclamation point in life. He's the one who consumes my thoughts, whose birthday I've been planning since the day he was born. He's the one whose room I creep into to stare at before bed. I think that's exactly how it's supposed to be.</div>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-16146460075917455082010-08-18T21:55:00.002-05:002010-08-18T22:06:00.122-05:00Is It Fair?Is the way that we talk about motherhood with one another fair? I think that we tend to glorify it. We paint it with bright colors. Say things like, "it's a moment that will change your life forever." We take pictures of grinning moms holding little bundles as they're discharged from the hospital. Newborns resting peacefully on bare-chested daddies. <div><br /></div><div>All these moments happen and they're wonderful. However, my recollection of the first six weeks of motherhood included lots of other moments. The nights upon nights when I woke up every two or three hours to nurse. The afternoon when I sat sobbing, bare-breasted on the hallway floor. The two empty bags of pads that I'd soaked through. The night that I excitedly texted my mom at 4 am to let her know that James had slept for an entire 4 hours straight.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's not that I'm complaining because all those moments were 150% worth it, it's just that I'm wondering whether we adequately prepare women to become mothers. Did any of us really, really know what we were getting ourselves into when we became pregnant? Aside from a few flip comments, like, "Sleep now, while you can," did anyone pull us aside and tell us the dirty secret, "The first few weeks? They suck." Maybe "suck" is the wrong word. As James has gotten older, I find myself nostalgic for those maternity leave days when I could spend a whole day in bed, unshowered, with a tiny baby on my breast.</div><div><br /></div><div>Maybe people tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen because I was so excited to become a mom. It wouldn't have mattered had I understood. I would gladly and repeatedly take on those first six weeks for my son. I just think being mentally prepared for it would have been handy.</div><div><br /></div><div>I just think we owe it to each other to be honest that those first six weeks will pretty much kick anyone's butt. But how and when? I don't have the answer, but I just can't stay tight-lipped and watch another women get blindsided by just how hard this mommy thing is.</div>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-63333908254883846922010-08-10T12:16:00.001-05:002010-08-10T12:24:57.935-05:00{Tranquil Tuesday} Working LessI just finished reading this awesome <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/08/business/08consume.html?src=me&ref=homepage">article </a>from the NY Times, called "But Will It Make You Happy?" Here's a short exerpt...<br /><br />"One major finding is that spending money for an experience — concert tickets, French lessons, sushi-rolling classes, a hotel room in Monaco — produces longer-lasting satisfaction than spending money on plain old stuff. "<br /><br />The basic gist of the article is that the recent economic recession has forced many people to rethink their spending habits. People are cutting back, getting rid of cable, staying home with their families, working less (oftentimes out of necessity.) Interestingly, research shows that a lot of these changes will make people happier. Rather than a focus on accumulating things, people are happier when they have more time, leisure, experiences.<br /><br />Thus, we have Tranquil Tuesday when I plan to share some little thing I've done to make life just a little simpler. This one isn't done yet, but it's a work in progress that I'm so excited about. I'm planning to "buy" some more time with my son.<br /><br />I have started discussions with my boss to give me more time with James, either by working from home once per week or even working few hours each week. I assume there may be a pay cut involved in this decision, but I'm okay with that. I'm not quitting or even going part-time, just getting a little more time to spend with my boy.<br /><br />I'm nervous about how it will all turn out. My boss is older and not super-flexible, so the idea of working from home is totally foreign to him. At the same time, I think Brett's concerned about our household budget taking too much of a hit.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-6200753901412697382010-08-09T14:56:00.002-05:002010-08-09T15:05:42.810-05:00{Manic Monday} Here's how it's all gone down...I'm going to try something new, that I will likely do just this once and fail to repeat, because that's just the way I operate. I thought I'd give you all a glimpse into my life, by just plain listing the way my day has gone...<br /><br /><ul><li>Wake up at 1 am, nurse James for all of 10 minutes before he falls back asleep</li><li>Wake up at 4:30 am and listen as Brett gives him a bottle of milk, changes his diaper, and he cries for 20 minutes before falling asleep</li><li>Wake up at 6:50 am and nurse James in bed where he promptly falls asleep</li><li>Shower, give up on doing my hair since I'm "growing it out" due to an inability to find the time for a haircut</li><li>Put on makeup. Teal shadow is just the cure for a melancholy Monday, no?</li><li>Pack for the day -- four empty breastmilk bottles, three full ones, baby breakfast: mango, peaches, and oatmeal; baby lunch: squash, tofu, cheerios. For mommy: one banana, one Lean Cuisine.</li><li>Am all ready for work, but baby James is still asleep in ourbed and I firmly believe in the "never wake a sleeping baby" adage.</li><li>Download James pics that my cousin sent me.</li><li>James wakes up, has the stinkiest poo ever. Slips into an adorable orange plaid romper.</li><li>Kiss the husband and the dog<br /></li><li>Drive to work listening to knick-knack paddy-whack, which is amazingly catchy</li><li>Drop James off at the baby-sitter's</li><li>Head to work, where I am somehow responsibly for planning about 50 events that all seem to be taking place in the same two-week span</li><li>Have a meeting about an event</li><li>Have a phone call about an event</li><li>Respond to emails about an event</li><li>I hate planning events</li><li>Drive to baby-sitters house where James has tears in his eyes and hasn't napped all morning, although he did eat his whole breakfast</li><li>Nurse him, which causes him to fall right to sleep. <br /></li><li>Sit in the glider for 10 minutes while little man sleeps peacefully on my chest</li><li>Drive back to work, simultaneously calling Brett to see if the home repair folks have come out yet to fix our flooding basement</li><li>Eat my lean cuisine. Yuck!</li><li>Work some more<br /></li></ul>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-91791186216899712132010-08-09T09:50:00.001-05:002010-08-09T09:50:59.221-05:008 Months Old<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oP-b5R1clX0&hl=en_US&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oP-b5R1clX0&hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-357363160880588152010-07-20T13:44:00.003-05:002010-07-20T13:50:30.893-05:00Trying to Keep My PerspectiveI was about to title this post something sad and whiny like, "Some Days the World Hates You" or "When It Rains, It Pours." Then, I tried to step back from my so-called problems, which include leaving for a week-long trip to Hawaii this weekend and needing to hire a nanny. <br /><ul><li>So, the bad news is that I'm starting to feel super anxious about leaving James for a whole week, like perhaps needing medication anxious. I totally trust my mom to watch over him and James is so familiar with her that I think he'll be fine. He'll be with my MIL during the days and I know she'll take good care of him, but James is simply not as familiar with her. He sees my mom every other weekend, sometimes more, but he only sees my MIL about once a month. Yeah, this is a pretty whiny, petty problem. On the bright side, I'm going to Hawaii for a whole week with my loving husband and family. I have two people who have jumped at the chance to watch James.</li><li>My other piece of somewhat bad news? I even feel bad for calling it that, but I'm in a selfish mood. Our child care provider just told me that she's 3.5 months pregnant. I am really, truly 100% happy for her, but it does mean we need to find another provider. Fortunately, we have the means to pay for a full-time, in-home nanny, so I think that's what we'll do.</li></ul>Now that I've written this up, I feel like a real baby. My bad news is that I'm going to Hawaii and can afford a nanny. That's nothing compared to what so many other people are going through.<br /><br />Bad Jess. You can stop feeling sorry for yourself, buy Andrea a baby gift, and start getting excited for Hawaii.<br /><br />Mahalo and aloha.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-34099700752321563112010-07-16T09:11:00.002-05:002010-07-16T09:20:20.269-05:00Hello JulyAnd, how are you? I haven't blogged the whole month and lots has been going on. Hence, the no blogging. Here are some of the snippets:<br /><ul><li>We took a trip to the lake over the 4th of July. In a most welcomed turn of events, Brett and his mom were a huge help with James. It was such a great trip and I even felt relaxed for most of it. James got in the water, went on the boat, and even went on his first tubing tide. Don't worry, it wasn't as dangerous as it sounds. Brett and I sat on a double pull-behind tube and held James in between us. Uncle Ben drove the boat at the slowest possible speed. The major goal was a photo op, which we got.</li><li>James now has 6 teeth! I have been shocked at how fast they've come in. After he got his bottom 2, I thought there'd be a break, but it seems to be tooth after tooth.</li><li>We've been struggling with our child care situation, but it's almost getting back under control. Our sitter, Andrea, is awesome but James has been behaving badly for her over the past couple weeks. I think it's just the beginnings of separation anxiety, but Andrea's making it worse by trying to make him "cry it out." She's also not very good at giving him as much napping as he needs. Her 9-month-old doesn't nap at all, so I think she doesn't really appreciate how much James needs sleep. She is starting to watch James at our house everyday, which is nice because Brett works from home and can make sure he's getting enough naps. Also, I sent her some articles on how to handle separation anxiety (hold the baby!!) and that seems to be helping.</li><li>We are leaving our baby for a full week. I really would never have opted to leave him for so long at such a young age, but it's my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary and they are paying for all their kids and grandkids to take a 7-day Hawaiian cruise. They are paying the cruise fee for Brett and I, as well as our airfare. I thought about bringing James along, but there's no child care for children below 2. Plus, I'd worry about him getting sick or overheated or a bad sunburn. We are leaving James with my mom and Brett's mom. They live close to one another, so my mom will have James in the evenings and overnight and Brett's mom will watch him during the day. I know I'll miss him terribly, but he'll be in good hands and I'll get some much-needed rest.</li></ul>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-43839203161308820002010-06-29T22:28:00.003-05:002010-06-29T22:33:38.558-05:00Deadly Sin or Completely Understandable?I know that pride is one of the 7 deadly sins, but it's also one of the first things that comes to mind when I think about James. I am so intensely and unendingly proud of him.<div><br /></div><div>Here's what I am proud of...</div><div><br /></div><div><ul><li>His adorable little grin</li><li>Dimpled elbows</li><li>Little whimpers while he nurses</li><li>The way he rocks back and forth when he's thinking about crawling/scooting somewhere</li><li>How he nestles into my neck when I pick him up in the morning</li><li>His two cowlicks that result in hair sticking straight up off his head</li><li>The way he kicks his legs when he gets excited</li><li>How he is so easily distracted by whatever colorful object I flash in front of his face</li><li>His penchant for rubbing my face and playing with my lips</li></ul><div>I just adore this kid so much. He lights up my days and nights and fills me with such joy. I treasure my time with him so much. </div></div><div><br /></div>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-30196880398879772422010-06-14T09:40:00.003-05:002010-06-14T10:04:18.754-05:00Who's In Charge Here?Oh, crap, it's me. I'm having an off-day, following an off-weekend. We went to the lake this past weekend, which had lots of super-fun moments, like James swimming in the lake for the first time and liking it! Also, I slalom skied for the first time ever, even if it was for about 5 seconds, I did it!<br /><br />It also contained a kernel of familiar frustration. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that, no matter what, I'm in charge here. The ultimate responsibility for my son rests on my shoulders. I know, I know, that's how it's supposed to be when you have a kid, but I've always held out hope that the burden would fall equally on my husband and I. But, it does not. I could sit here and try to convince myself that he needs to step up, but I think I'm realizing that the right thing to do is to acknowledge that biology has made child care and rearing primarily my responsibility.<br /><br />We've been going to the lake every summer for the past 7 or 8 years. We try to make it there two or three times each summer. The day is almost always structured like this: wake up late, eat a small breakfast, swim in the lake/lounge on the dock, have lunch, go on the boat to swim/ski/wakeboard/hang out in a cove, have dinner, drink, drink, and drink.<br /><br />In preparation for this trip, Brett and I talked about how things would have to be different this time because we are parents now. We just can't stay up until 2 or 3 am drinking and still be the parents James needs the next day. James woke up at 6:30 am every morning when we were at the lake and I looked after him every morning, which meant that I didn't really get to stay up late with the big kids and drink. Brett did. Yesterday morning, even though I had gone to bed around 11, I just wanted to sleep in. I was, plain and simple, tired.<br /><br />At 6:30 am when James started crying in the pack 'n' play, I turned to Brett and, for one of the first times since I became a mom, asked plainly for what I wanted. I said, "Brett, will you watch him for an hour so I can sleep longer?" Bam, there it was. My request, my needs from my husband, states plainly and clearly. It was his opportunity to rise to the occasion and he said, "Maybe if we wait longer he'll fall back asleep" and then rolled over and went back to sleep himself. As I expected, James continued to fuss in the playpen, so I woke up with him.<br /><br />I felt so deflated. I'd finally done what's so hard for me to do, which is to admit that I need help. I think of myself as some kind of superwoman who can and usually does find a way to squeeze in everything. But I was finally ready to admit defeat and it didn't work out.<br /><br />Of course, I was a confusing mix of angry, disappointed, and flat out sad. I cried while I changed James into his clothes and cursed myself for asking for help. Brett felt horrible and spent much of the day trying to make it up to me. As upset as I was at him for not pulling through when I needed him, his solution to this problem upset me more than anything. He said that he thinks we need to plan these things in advance. That, if he'd known I was going to need him to watch James the next morning, he wouldn't have drank so much and then he would've been more able to get up early and watch him.<br /><br />And, there it was, spelled out so clearly. If I needed help from him, I needed to ask for it, in advance. On neither of the two previous nights had he pulled me aside and said, "I'd like to have some fun tonight, so you'll need to watch James tomorrow morning." It didn't need to be said, it was the assumption, the default. Without a word exchanged, we both assumed that I'd be the one taking care of James each morning. And that, my friends, is the difference.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong, I don't think Brett's a bad guy. Rather, I think he's probably a lot like almost every other husband out there. Despite all the advances we've made in achieving gender equity, the basic assumption is that women will take care of their children.<br /><br />Do any of you have similar feelings or are your husbands all amazing superstars? Any working moms feel like they're teetering on the brink of breaking down? I feel like I have no energy left for myself anymore.<br /><br />On that bitter, sad, depressing note, I will leave you with an absolutely dashing picture of my boy, for whom I would get up at the crack of dawn every morning for the rest of my life...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoTYAJT-Hv_T_OKOngBj8AcR3fyfYo3TUFU_xen8JrC5fzrRJWXbtdtrVF-5KFX-IFaKpEudrli3oZt-NWMCmKJfCaAo3iJ6B4bhiqoUG0RkMwPxwQTX7lvieB-q8MMb55QkCWlBwQdbsU/s1600/lake.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoTYAJT-Hv_T_OKOngBj8AcR3fyfYo3TUFU_xen8JrC5fzrRJWXbtdtrVF-5KFX-IFaKpEudrli3oZt-NWMCmKJfCaAo3iJ6B4bhiqoUG0RkMwPxwQTX7lvieB-q8MMb55QkCWlBwQdbsU/s320/lake.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482644555797878482" border="0" /></a>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-90894298026161993372010-06-10T09:05:00.002-05:002010-06-10T09:15:23.347-05:00Baby FoodBefore I had James, I heard people say that they made their own baby food. To be honest, I thought they were a little crazy. They talked and talked about steaming, pureeing, freezing, storing, etc. and it all sounded so difficult to me. And, frankly, it sounded difficult for no reason. Was store-bought baby food bad for their kids, because I eat store-bought food all the time and I'm doing fine?<br /><br />Well, here 6-months later, I've learned a few things...<br /><br />I want James to have pure and simple foods. I don't think store-bought baby food is bad for him, I just think it has lots of ingredients. Given that Brett had horrible allergies as a kid and that James has pretty severe eczema, his pediatrician and I suspect that he's going to be allergy-prone. I worry about giving him food with multiple ingredients, simply because if he has an allergic reaction, it will be that much harder to pinpoint what he reacted to -- was it the sweet potatoes or was it the food coloring?<br /><br />It's amazingly easy to make your own baby food. I've been cutting corners all over the place, but that's made it completely do-able for me. So far, James has had rice cereal (store-bought, organic), peas, avocados, and green beans. We are starting spinach on Friday. For the peas, I bought frozen peas, boiled them, mixed in a little breastmilk, and pureed them. I put them into ice cube trays (which, by the way, is the perfect serving size for baby food) and froze them. A day later, pop them out and store them in the freezer in a plastic bad. To serve, microwave on defrost for 35 seconds and you're done. The avocado I handmashed. I also handmashed a banana that was on the verge of turning brown, so that's waiting in the freezer. I did spinach and green beans too. Again, I started with frozen veggies, microwaved, and then pureed with a hand blender. One frozen bag of green beans yielded 20 ice cube-sized servings.<br /><br />Not only is making baby food easy, it seems easier to me than buying it. I feel like being able to make it myself gives me a lot more options. James' next food will probably depend on what fruits and veggies we have around the house.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-15562399951195740232010-06-09T15:31:00.002-05:002010-06-09T15:37:52.572-05:00PersonalityI have no idea whether to chalk it up to nature or nurture, but there it is, James has his own little personality. He loves to sit back and study things, especially random household objects. He loves to play with the wicket thatching on the back of the rocking chair. When I set him upright to burp him, he immediately brings both hands to the chair back and pokes his little fingers around, runs them back and forth, listening intently to the sounds his hands make. <br /><br />Sometimes he's goofy, which I just adore. He'll get in "moods" where he's just seeking excuses to laugh. I can tickle his toes, make a surprised face, or rub my nose to his and that's all the encouragement he needs to let out a full, glorious giggle. <br /><br />When he's sleepy or hungry or overstimulated, he just wants his momma. He can't bear to be set down, even in his favorite toy -- the Johnny Jump Up. If I wrap him to the front of me, he just sits there contentedly, looking around. <br /><br />It makes me so curious and interested to see who he'll be a year from now, five or even ten.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-27730226546960958552010-06-07T06:47:00.002-05:002010-06-07T06:49:24.170-05:006 Month VideoHere's a video recapping the past month. I've been doing one of these every month, but I think this is the first time I've shared it on this blog. Today is James' 6 month birthday! I can't believe how fast time is flying.<div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; white-space: pre; "><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/zPYB-0IFPkI&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/zPYB-0IFPkI&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object></span><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: -webkit-xxx-large; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></span></div></div>Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196968741755227048.post-41179646635598570252010-06-02T16:45:00.003-05:002010-06-02T16:52:31.595-05:00Sometimes I WonderSometimes I wonder why I still work. At the end of days like this when I'm sick, tired, and feeling stressed by my job, I can't help but wonder why I do it. Yesterday was Brett's first day in his new role at work. He's now making 20k more than he did previously. <br /><br />I still make a pretty hefty income, but am no longer the "primary" breadwinner. I just feel so frustrated in my job. I leave my boy for more than 40 hours each week, but I don't feel like I'm making much difference in the world, which is very frustrating.<br /><br />At the same time, I know that time really does fly and James will be in school in no time. If I stopped working now, I worry about what it would do to my career in the long-run. I'm making 65k a year right now and the reality is that we could cut our household expenses to absorb the loss of my income but we'd have to give up certain things we really enjoy and sacrifice future big purchases we hope to make (like a second home where we hope to enjoy lots of special memories with our son). <br /><br />I just feel so depleted right now. It feels like somebody or something always needs more from me than I can give. I work really hard to fulfill people's needs and expectations, but at the end of the day I have no energy left to take care of myself.Jessie B.http://www.blogger.com/profile/08636064579236299079noreply@blogger.com0