Two Tiny Miracles

Let me start by saying that I'm not prone to being skinny. My grandma weighs well over 200 pounds and she's just five feet tall. I've always carried around a good 10 pounds more than I'd like and to be movie star skinny, I'd have to drop another 20 after that. Aside from some bad genes, I have a bum knee that makes certain exercises off-limits for me. It's not a bum knee in the sense that it hurts every once in awhile, it's truly a lemon. I've had three, that's right three, major surgeries on it over the past 10 years.

I gained 42 pounds while I was pregnant. Ugh. Given my poor genes, high weight gain, and inability to engage in really strenuous exercise, I was fully expecting to carry around some extra pounds and a flabby tummy for a good long while after having James. In what I can only call a miracle. . .

1) I am wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans. I actually fit into them within a week of James' birth. I'll concede that these are stretchy and were my "fat jeans" before being pregnant, but still! Today I tried to fit into one of my regular pre-pregnancy jeans and I was able to get them on, but buttoning them appeared to be impossible. I know I have a ways to go, but I'm shocked and pleased that I'm as small as I am this quickly. I haven't weighed myself and don't plan to until my 6-week postpartum visit.

2) My wedding ring fits again! I stopped wearing it around 5 months because it was summer and my fingers were swelling due to the heat and pregnancy. I'd tried to wear it a couple times over the past few weeks, but it was too tight. Today, it fit! The timing couldn't be better because tomorrow is our five-year wedding anniversary.

Very Merry Christmas

Our holiday was so great! On Christmas Eve, we had my uncle and family over for drinks and appetizers, then I had my heart set on watching Love Actually since it's one of my favorite holiday movies. We don't own the movie and the weather was too bad to make a trip to Blockbuster, so I was hoping to find a way to pay-per-view it through our cable company. Brett told me to open one of my Christmas presents early and it was a copy of Love Actually. I'm always amazed at how he can anticipate exactly what I'll want.

We were hit by a blizzard beginning on Christmas Eve, which I thought would prevent my dad and brother from coming to town, especially since both of them get nervous about driving in bad weather. When I woke up Christmas day and called both of them around 10 am, I was shocked to find out that they were both on their way to town. My mom was already staying with us, so the whole family was together on Christmas. My parents divorced about three years ago and this was the first Christmas they were comfortable spending as a family. It was really nice for us all to be together. We opened gifts, napped, played games, and enjoyed a full holiday meal that my mom prepared.

James did great throughout the day and even slept well last night. He slept one really long stretch of 4.5 hours.

Mommys are Awesome

I feel like we turned a corner over the past 48 hours. After what can only be described as a total meltdown on Sunday, things are looking up. First off, I took a trip on Monday to the "Mommy and Me Boutique" at a local hospital. It's a pretty awesome store with tons of breastfeeding-related products. I bought tubing for my breast pump, a Lansinoh Latch Assist nipple everter, and two more Soothie pacifiers. The best part of the visit was that the store has a newborn scale and was able to weigh James -- he was 8 lbs 7.5 oz, meaning that he met the target of surpassing his birthweight by two weeks of age. He'd been weighed the previous Monday at the pediatrician's office and was 7 lbs 10 oz, so he gained about 13 ounces last week. It was a mental load off to know that he was gaining weight.

Starting Monday night, I decided to really focus on weaning him from the nipple shield because I was worried the shield might impact my supply. I was planning to gradually move away from the shield, but I'm pleased to report that James is a bit of a superstar and, with a little more work each BFing session, was able to move away from the shield completely. We more or less stopped cold turkey and haven't used the shield since 7 pm Monday night.

The other great development is that I've started being more diligent about making sure he gets fed every two to three hours, as opposed to just feeding on cue. Until now, I've been reluctant to wake him for feedings during the day, but I think that's contributed to his poor sleep over night. If he sleeps enough that it's been 2.5 hours from the previous feeding, I'll change his diaper, which is usually enough to wake him up to nurse. As a result, he's stopped marathon/cluster feeding at night, which gives mommy some extra sleep.

The last and best news is that my mom is here and it helps so much! She seems to have the special touch and helped us over night last night. Under her magic powers, she found a pretty sure-fire way to get him back to sleep after feedings -- we double swaddle him, rock him for 10 minutes, then lay him in his crib with a hand on his belly for a couple minutes longer. With this system in place, I was able to get a decent night's sleep! His longest sleep stretch was still just under three hours, but since I can nurse him and get him back to sleep faster, I ended up with more sleep.

In other news, I've started pumping once a day around 7 pm in an attempt to have a few ounces of breast milk stored in our freezer in case I need to be away for more than a couple hours. We were going to go out for a nice dinner with my brother and sister-in-law and leave the baby with my mom, but there's a terrible winter storm coming, so they decided to leave early for their out-of-town Christmas plans. Brett and I's five-year wedding anniversary is New Year's Day and my mom is coming up to watch James, so hopefully we'll have enough frozen breast milk for Brett and I to have a night out in celebration.

One other thing that was too cute not to mention -- my mom and I took James to my grandma's nursing home today. She has the beginnings of dementia, among multiple health issues, but she's just obsessed with this kid! We dressed him in a Santa outfit and he looked so cute. My grandma was so proud and wanted us to wheel her around the nursing home so she could show him off. She hardly ever leaves her room, so the fact that she was so excited to wheel around the nursing home was surprising. She kept saying, "What do you think of my little Santa? Isn't he the cutest thing ever?" I haven't seen her that happy and animated in a really long time.

That's all the ramblings for now. I'm looking forward to our low-key Christmas. We're having a Christmas Eve Happy Hour tomorrow night for our extended family members and then my mom, dad, and brother are spending Christmas day at our place. My mom's doing all the cooking, so it should be a very mellow day.

Post Partum Overwhelmed

I gave my husband and myself quite a scare this past weekend. First off, let me explain just how stressful the weekend was, because that's some important context. Brett's ENTIRE family was in town. They celebrate Christmas together every year a weekend before the actual holiday. They live all over the county -- North Carolina, California, and Oklahoma. In an attempt to make things easy on us, they decided to converge in Kansas City this year. I know they meant well, but having 23 out-of-town relatives around when my baby wasn't even two weeks old ended up being very overwhelming. They all stayed at a nearby hotel, which helped.

We ended up hosting them all for dinner on Friday night. This was all a last-minute thing because no one had made any plans for how these people would eat/be entertained. We had the food catered, but it was still a lot of work. The worst part is that James is a really good sleeper when people are holding him. Of course, everyone wanted a chance to hold him, so he slept the entire time from 6:30 pm to 10:00 pm, then he wasn't really tired that night.

On Saturday, there was a family picture scheduled (because nothing's as fun as having your picture taken when you are 12 days postpartum). This turned into a stressor because James wanted to be fed as soon as I got out of the shower, so my hair dried before I had a chance to style it, then I didn't have time to get it wet and start all over again, which resulted in some flat, weird-looking hair. That evening, we went to my brother and sister-in-law's house for dinner and gifts. Yet again, James slept the whole time only to be wide awake when bedtime rolled around.

After all this, I ended up having a really bad day Sunday. I was sleepy from two nights of bad baby sleep. I was overwhelmed from not getting to "sleep when the baby sleeps." This resulted in a crying spell that lasted just about the entire day. Brett was sweet and watched James for an hour and a half so I could have some time to run errands. I ended up texting my mom (I knew I'd cry if I talked to her on the phone) and asked her to come up early. She was planning to come Wednesday evening, but after my teary, frantic plea for help, she's coming this afternoon.

I was worried (and so was Brett, I think) that Sunday was the beginning of postpartum depression, but I haven't cried since then. I simply think the weekend was too much too soon.

2 Weeks of Motherhood

Yes, you'll probably notice that I am writing this post at 2:30 am. It is the early morning hours and I'm sitting with a Boppy around the waist and an amazingly hungry little boy at my breast. I've heard there's a 10 day growth spurt, but I feel like every day's a growth spurt with this little guy. He spends the days so calm and sleepy, then ends up very hungry throughout the night. I've started changing his diaper more frequently during the day in the hopes of waking him up for more frequent daytime feedings. Last night, he nursed every 30 minutes from 11 pm to 4 am!! I was a tired mommy. He did end up sleeping for 4.5 hours after that, though.

As I ponder my first two weeks of motherhood, I'm struck mostly by the high's and low's. Here they are...

Mommy High #1: I've never felt so proud of my body as the first time I breastfed James and knew that he was getting everything he needed from me. When he pulled away from my breast with a little stream of milk trickling down his chin, I was filled with pride. I've said lots of mean things about my body in the course of my lifetime. Sure, I'm shorter than I'd like and have always carried around an extra 10 pounds that I can't seem to lose. Despite all these shortcomings, my body's really coming through when it matters most.

Mommy High #2: James has started being alert for 30 minute stretches throughout the day. I swear I could sit for hours on end and just stare into his eyes. Half the time he's looking at the nearest light or ceiling fan, but every once in awhile he focuses in on me. I've read that he's most likely looking at my mouth, eyebrows, or hairline, not my eyes. I guess I don't even care what he's looking at. I just love knowing that his eyes are open and he's taking in the world around him.

Mommy High #3: This one's just a wee bit vain, but let's go with it anyway. I am wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans!! This victory comes with a number of caveats. First off, they were definitely my "fat" jeans. Secondly, they have some pretty serious strechiness to them. Lastly, they give me a pretty mean muffin top. Nonetheless, I can put them on, zip them, and even wear them comfortably. It makes me feel like a normal person again to wear pants with functioning zippers.

Mommy Low #1: Two nights ago when James was up for about 5 hours wanting to be nursed, my patience wore thin. Brett and I were both awake trying to get the little bugger to sleep, but nothing seemed to work. At one point, I moby wrapped him to me and started walking around the house. He continued to cry and my frustration reached a boiling point. I started crying and walked over to Brett, saying curtly, "Get him off of me." It all ended up okay when James slept for 4.5 hours later that night -- his longest stretch yet, but it was so frustrating until then.

Mommy Low #2: Just may have been earlier tonight. We celebrated Christmas with Brett's extended family. I had two drinks over the course of the entire evening, but Brett drank as he normally does. I was so jealous that he could drink all he wanted and simultaneously petrified that we were in for another long night with James. I was short with Brett, which he didn't deserve because he's been nothing but an amazing father and an equal contributor to all the work that comes with a new baby.

Mommy Low #3: Last weekend when my mom left after being with us for 5 days, I cried. I cried like a little girl. My mom started crying first because she was sad to leave the baby, then I started crying because I was scared shitless at the prospect of taking care of this kid without her. She's coming back in just a few days, so that'll be nice.

And we all say ahhhh

Yesterday was James' one-week birthday! We are still getting used to one another, but it's going well. Breastfeeding is coming along nicely. We went to the pediatrician last Friday and he was down to 7 lbs 2 oz, which was more than 10% weight loss from birth. We had to go back Monday and make sure he was gaining weight and he was up to 7 lbs 10 oz, which is an excellent gain.

Mommy has flat nipples that got even flatter when her milk came in, so we still use a nipple shield to latch on sometimes. According to the pediatrician, we can continue using it, as long as he continues gaining weight. The concern is that a nipple shield gets in the way of mom's body producing enough milk, but that doesn't seem to be a problem for us.

Our friend came and took newborn pics of James on Saturday. He sent us five as a sneak peek and I am absolutely in love with them. I don't mean to brag, but my kid is really stinking cute.

This hat always results in this pissed off face. . .

This is the pic we are using for our birth announcement.

I love the way this one was edited.

I like the simplicity of this one.

He looks a little dubious of the whole photo shoot thing.

Lessons Learned: Hospital Bag

I am super duper detail-oriented, so I tried to really pay attention to whether my hospital bag contained everything we needed for our hospital stay. I also tried to think about what items we packed and didn't end up needing.

Here's a list of everything we packed with some commentary:

• Waterproof pad and old towels - Had these in the car in case my water broke, but didn't need it.
• Insurance info
• Birth plan (10 copies) - 10 copies was way too much. I had read on some website that you need to have multiple copies on hand to share with all the different medical staff you'll meet. I just shared one copy with the triage nurse when we were admitted and then the hospital made sure that my birth plan was clearly visible in my file. When we switched nurses, I'd ask if they needed their own copy and they always said that they had already seen it on my file.
• Nursing bra - I didn't wear this at all. I put it on, but it was too inconvenient. At least during your hospital stay, I'd recommend going bra/tankless since it makes BFing a lot easier.
• Nursing pads - Didn't use these either. Your milk won't come in during your hospital stay, so nursing pads aren't necessary.
• Nursing tank - Again, I tried this out, but it got in the way of easy BFing.
• Chapstick - a MUST!
• Toiletries - Pack the standard stuff you'd pack for a short weekend trip.
• Eye drops - I get really bad dry eyes, but I was so preoccupied that I never noticed or used the eye drops.
• Headband - I brought a head band which came in really handy since it was an easy way to make my ragamuffin hair look just a little better.
• Makeup - I'm so glad that I packed my makeup. It may seem vain, but I put on some makeup after the epi and before I delivered. I also showered, did my hair and put on makeup every day we were in the hospital. It felt fantastic every time.
• Hair dryer - I didn't need this because the hospital had one in every mother/baby recovery room.
• Bath towel - I actually did use this. The hospital provided plenty of towels, but they were tiny.
• 2 washcloths - Saw these on someone else's list, so I packed them, but I really didn't use them.
• Flip flops - I saw this one someone else's list. They felt like the hospital shower was grimy, but I didn't find that to be the case at all.
• Food - We brought granola bars, clementines, peanut butter, and string cheese. All of it was useful. I know hospital policy is that you don't eat during labor, but I had small bits of food here and there and am glad I did. The clementines were my favorite thing. I ate them shortly after delivering and they tasted SO GOOD to me.
• Coins - Someone else recommended packing coins so Brett could get food. The hospital's nourishment rooms had everything he needed, though.
• Cameras, cell phones, camcorders, laptops and their chargers - We used every last bit of technology that we brought. I don't regret bringing any of it.
• Cord to upload photos - We were so anxious to share the good news with family and friends that we uploaded pictures of the baby within a few hours of delivery.
• Bradley book - We referenced this a few times.
• ipod - Used the laptop instead.
• Relaxation aids - lavender oil, tennis balls in a sock, back massager, microwavable rice bag. I don't regret bringing a single one of these things. When my contractions got really bad, we tried every trick we could think of. The heated bag was a surprisingly big help.
• Body pillow - This helped me get comfortable while laboring.
• Husband's changes of clothes
• Husband's toiletries
• Husband's swimsuit - Didn't end up using this.
• Going home outfit and shoes for me - You obviously have to wear clothes to leave the hospital. Be forewarned that you'll probably look a little terrible. I packed maternity jeans and a nonmaternity sweater. The jeans felt great, but the sweater was a little tight over my tummy. I'd recommend packing a sweatshirt or something else with a lot of give in the tummy.
• Maternity underwear - I learned a lesson on this one. I wore into the hospital and packed a few pairs of nice maternity underwear (not fancy underwear but $7 per pair underwear!)| They both ended up almost completely ruined. I figured that I could wear them while I labored and then wear the hospital's mesh undies afterwards, but the truth is that even the underwear you wear while laboring will probably get ruined.
• 3 pairs of warm socks - I didn't use any of the socks I brought. I found that wearing slippers was much more comfortable, especially since they had rubber treads and I could wear those as we walked the hospital halls.
• Robe - Loved having this around. nightgown - I packed a long-sleeve, knee-length nightgown and it was really comfy. I should've packed more of these.
• 1 t-shirt
• 1 pair sweats - I had planned to wear sweats and a t-shirt, but the sweats weren't comfortable. During recovery, you have to wear mesh undies, giant pads, and sometimes an ice pack to help keep down swelling. By the time I got all this in my underwear, there was no way I wanted to squeeze into pants. If I could do it again, I wouldn't even consider bringing any pants at all.
• Slippers
• Magazines - Didn't use these.
• Warm blanket for baby - Used this because it was 13 degrees out when we took James home!
• Going home outfit for baby - I packed one 0 to 3 month outfit, but it was way too big on him. My 8 pound baby ended up wearing a preemie sleeper home from the hospital. I would recommend bringing one 0 to 3 month outfit and one preemie outfit.
• 2 caps for baby - I think we brought more than this and used them all. Of course, I'm kind of into hats for the little guy, so this might just be personal preference.
• Baby book
• Colace - Didn't need this at the hospital, but needed it shortly thereafter at home.
• Diapers - Didn't need to pack these. The hospital gave us a package of newborn diapers.
• Diaper bag - Filled this up with James' outfit, blankies, etc.
• Wipes - Didn't need these either since the hospital provided them.
• Newborn booties
• Newborn mittens - Didn't use these.
• 2 receiving blankets - Didn't need these since the hospital provided. The hospital's receiving blankets were awesome. We brought our own "cute" ones, but they weren't as big and warm as the hospital's.
• Empty paper sacks - This was a brilliant inclusion. We ended up leaving with way more stuff than we came with, so we used paper sacks to help cart everything home.
• Things for when you get home - Motrin and super maxi pads.

What else I should've brought:

• Boppy - I had my mom bring up my Boppy. It really helped a lot in the early days of BFing.
• Thank you notes - I wish I would have packed a few simple thank you notes to leave for the nurses who took particularly good care of us.
• Hearty food for Brett - When we checked into the hospital, Brett was starving. It was 11 pm, so there were no options at the hospital. He ended up scrounging up the stuff for a PB&J, but I wish we'd thought ahead and either eaten before leaving home or picked something up on the way to the hospital.
• Pajamas - As mentioned above, I didn't pack the right pajamas. Pants are simply not a good idea right after delivering.
• Normal pads - I wasn't prepared for the amount of bloody show I experienced. I used the hospital's pads but they were so huge and more than I needed before delivering. I had a couple pantyliners in my purse, but they weren't nearly big enough. If I could do it again, I'd bring some normal-sized pads to wear while laboring.
• Clothes for Brett - Brett just brought one change of clothes. I think he was planning to go home and get cleaned up, but he stayed with James and I the entire time, which meant he wore the same clothes most of the time.
• Iron - I lost enough blood in delivering that I need to take iron supplements for awhile. I didn't need these at the hospital, but had to have someone pick them up for me shortly after coming home.
• Breast cream - I can't believe I dropped the ball on this one. I could've sworn I'd packed breast cream, but I didn't. The hospital gave me a sample tube of theirs, but it wasn't as soothing as the Lansinoh that I'm using now.
• Soothies - These gel pads by Medela are super comfy. I highly recommend them for comfort during the first few days of BFing.

If I could do it again, I would've packed one bag of the items I'd need for labor and delivery and another of things I'd need during recovery. After I delivered, I didn't need my body pillow, relaxation aids, etc. I could've sent those home with someone had they been packed separately.