Gratuitious Photos

Wow, was the last time I posted pics really back in February? That's a shame. A real shame. Here are some more for you to enjoy. They are in order of newest to oldest and they are all courtesy our lovely babysitter Andrea who sends me a couple pictures each week while I'm at work. And, since I'm blogging at work, these are the only pics I have to upload.

My boy just yesterday, sitting up on his own.

Playing outside with Andrea's son.

"Talking" in his Exersaucer.

In the cutest little star bunting.

Sleeping like an angel.

Crying It Out

I never thought I was the cry it out type of mom, but it turns out I am. When he slept through the night for the first time at the young age of 10 weeks, I thought I was lucky. He continued his good, 9-hour straight sleep pattern for a solid six weeks. It was during my return to work, so it was perfect timing. But, he suddenly started waking up once or twice a night and hasn't stopped since then.

Things came to a breaking point over the past two weeks. Not only was he not sleeping well at night, he was also on nap strike, leaving him horribly tired. Considering how little sleep he got, he was in a pretty good mood, but he just seemed tired all the time. Brett and I decided that we were worried about his health and development because he was so sleepy and tired all the time.

On Friday night, my sister-in-law watched James while we went to a concert. I mentioned to her that we were considering letting him cry it out because his sleep was so off kilter. She took it upon herself to let him cry it out (pretty presumptuous, but it worked out) and he only cried for 7 minutes. He cried again for less than 5 minutes around midnight, ate at 3:30 and slept until 8:30.

Last night, he cried for about 30 minutes total (we checked in every 10 minutes) and then slept for 9 hours straight. Tonight it took only 7 minutes. Not too bad. I never thought I was the cry it out type and I'm still not 100% sure that I am. I wouldn't have done it for my own convenience, but when it became clear that he was really suffering from lack of sleep, I decided to get serious.

We are also moving to a 2-3-4 nap pattern where we are aiming for a nap two hours after waking up, then a nap three hours after that, then bedtime four hours after that. So far, it seems to be working well.

I just feel good to have a plan in place.

Short Posts = Posts

I've somehow convinced myself that I need to be providing long, interesting, witty posts. As a result, I have barely posted anything. I have a new strategy -- I'll post more, but they'll be much shorter. Maybe people will like that. I always feel somewhat exhausted when I get to a blog and there's a huge update that I don't really have time to read.

So, today's topic will be James' weird skin. It all started when he was about 2 months old and my mother-in-law found some dry patches on his legs. My friend who's a family practice doctor happened to be in town and said that it was eczema. We treated it with OTC hydrocortisone for a couple weeks and switched to mild Aveeno lotion.

Around 4 months he got a rash in his neck, which our pediatrician said was a yeast infection. We used an antifungal cream on that, but it never seemed to go away. We went back to the pedi who then thought that it was eczema and gave us a prescription hydrocotizone. She told us not to use steroid any longer than necessary because it can thin his skin. The problem is that every time we stop using the steroid cream, the rash comes back.

Poor little guy. There's some chance it's an allergic reaction to something I'm eating, so I've stopped eating cow's milk. I just hope this isn't a precursor to bad allergies or lifelong skin troubles. Anyone else's baby had skin issues?

Simplify

Yes, simplify, simplify.

My coworker once told me that her biggest motherhood regret was that her house was too clean. That really stuck with me.

There are so many demands on my time right now. I have a job that I love but it consumes so much of my time! 40 hours a week of actual work time, 5 hours a week for my lunch break, 10 hours a week commuting, and 5 hours a week getting spiffy-ed up to look presentable. That's right, I spend about 60 hours a week on work. Ugh.

I have an amazing husband and we have both committed to weekly date nights and weekly, ahem, playdates. I, of course, do everything in my power to spend every spare second with magnificent little James. I try to to exercise a few times a week and still like to spend a little time doing things just for me -- a night out with the girls, a stolen episode of Real Housewives, reading a little before bed.

The stuff I hate doing is the rest -- the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, etc. I simply don't have the time. So, where do I find it? The simple answer is that oftentimes I don't. My floors are dirty and there are most definitely water spots on the bathroom mirror. Someone comes once a month to clean for us, so I at least know that it gets cleaned sometimes, but it's not immaculate.

I only do laundry when it's really time to, meaning that I'm out of clean bras and undies or that James no longer has sleepers in his size. And the cooking, oh the cooking. If there's one thing that I feel guilty about, it's the cooking. I can't tell you the last time I cooked a real, fresh meal. Instead, we're living off gracious leftovers from parents, a crockpot soup here and there, and an occasional good day when we brown up a few pounds of taco meat.

I'd like to say that I'm resolving to do a better job of cooking for my family, but the truth is that I don't know where that time would come from. I just wish there were some little fairy that could come to my house every day around 5 and cook us a healthful scrumptious meal.

Hello, Blog

Long time no see, but I've been a wee tad busy, what with raising an amazing little boy during the nights and weekends and obsessing over the new health reform bill during the day. I feel so sad that so much has slipped by the wayside -- this blog, the gym, my ability to remember to take a multivitamin once a day. But, I have found the key to successfully balancing work and home -- you simply have to cut out the things that are not necessary.

The hour-long workouts four times a week that I faithfully did until mid-way through my pregnancy ? Those were nice and kept me looking svelte (even if I didn't realize it at the time). But, that's four whole hours a week I'd need to be away from my boy in addition to the 40+ hours when I'm working. You know what'll work instead? A nice long evening walk a few times a week, with a whopping 16 pounds of bouncing baby boy strapped to the front of me.

Scrumptious home-cooked meals for the hubby and I? Those simply aren't happening. James can't eat, so I am satisfied by frozen pizza or cereal.

This blog? Just not a priority right now. In fact, this post is coming to a quicker stop than expected because my boy keeps looking up at me from his Exersaucer with eyes that say, "Play with me." His single tooth is glinting in his gum line and he keeps doing his fake cough that always attracts my attention. Off I go to play and take a nap with my son. See you in a couple months.

So Very Tired

Day 2 of work is now done. So, what's the hardest part? The nagging guilt? The tearful goodbyes? For me it has been the lack of sleep. James continues to be an angel, sleeping from 9 pm to 6 am last night. I, however, am a ball of nerves, making sleep difficult to attain. It began Saturday night when I slept from 10 pm to 2 am and could not go back to sleep. It was agonizing to lay there in bed for 6 hours, thinking, "I should sleep. I need to go into the work week rested. Why am I not sleeping?"

Sunday to Monday, I got up at 4 am and couldn't go back to bed, so I just decided to go into work early, which meant I got there at 6:30 am. At least I could leave at 3 pm. Today was terrible because I got up at 2:45 am and couldn't go into work early because I had a doctor's appointment at 8 am. Needless to say, I'm exhausted. I know the poor sleep is 100% related to going back to work.

I find myself waking up in a sweat, then unable to go back to sleep. I've spent a lot of my sleepless hours worrying about my job and trying to find careful, crafty ways to carve out another hour or two to spend with James.

I like my job, but am a little stressed because I heard through the co-worker grapevine that our CEO wants to reallocate my time between my two job functions. Pretty much, I spend 1/2 of my time selecting grants to fund and ensuring that they are executed properly. I like this part of my job because it's straightforward and I feel like I'm good at it. For the past year, I've been spending 1/2 my time doing "advocacy" work. Our CEO is super nice, but he's constantly changing his mind about what "advocacy" work entails. I like the advocacy part of my job less because it's unclear what I'm even supposed to be doing. Anyhow, I heard from a coworker last week that the CEO wants me dedicated 100% to the advocacy work. Ugh.

I'm also worrying about child care. After all the research I've done, the two providers we were on wait lists for have told us that we won't be getting in. We are signed up to have James start at a day care center on Monday (my mom's here this week)|. I'm confident that he'd be safe there, but I'm not so sure they'll have the time to give him any individualized attention. In the meantime, Brett got a big raise, so hiring a nanny is almost an option for us. Also, a girl in my mommy and baby yoga class is looking to babysit one child a week at her home, which is just 7 minutes from my office. So many options and so many things to consider. That's probably a post for another day. I could write way more about this, but I'm too sleepy.

The good news is that pumping is going fine. I got 18 ounces yesterday between two pumping sessions and 22 ounces today. I thought that would be plenty, but James eats 7 ounces in a feeding, according to my mom. I think that's a crazy huge amount of milk for a 3-month old to drink in one setting. It almost makes me worry about my milk supply keeping up with him.

I find myself tearing up a bit when I'm pumping because it makes me think of James. I took a unisom tonight to help me sleep, but first I checked to see if it's okay to take while breastfeeding and it appears to be.

RIP to Grandma

My grandma passed away this past Saturday. Being the oldest granddaughter, her and I were extremely close. She was so good to me and so good to my son. I told her I was pregnant last year on mother's day. At the time, she was fairly sick and had been in and out of the hospital a number of times before finally being moved into a nursing home. I told her that she had to make it until December and she said she couldn't make any promises.

She obviously lived until December and even felt well enough to come visit us in the hospital. She ooed and awwed over James and said he was the prettiest baby she'd ever seen. A few days later once we were home, she came to see us again and took such joy in hold her great-grandson. She had 5 kids, 9 grandkids, and 2 great-grandkids already, so she was a pro with James.

A couple days before Christmas, my mom and I brought James to see her at the nursing home. We dressed him in a Santa suit. When she saw him, she was so proud that she asked us if she could sit in her wheelchair and hold James while we pushed her around the home. She stopped everyone in the hall, saying, "What do you think of my little Santa baby?" Even though she was never able to breastfeed any of her kids, she was so proud of me for it. She kept telling random people at the nursing home, "Doesn't he look big and healthy? It's because she breastfeeds him."

She started getting sicker after that, but we still squeezed in a few good visits with grandma. She bought James a $1,000 savings bond and was so excited to give it to him. She said, "You'll never really know who I am, but your mommy will tell you." It was so sad and true. Once she got really sick, we kept coming to visit, but she wasn't well enough to hold him anymore. Even as recently as a couple weeks ago, she told him that she was trying to get stronger so she could hold him again.

Last Wednesday, she was taken off all her meds and put on morphine to control the pain. The following morning, she was conscious and alert for the last time in her life. I happened to be there with James. She was having a hard time making sense of things and kept asking if she could take her hospital gown off. She was so terribly confused, but when I put James in front of her, that made sense. She remembered his name and mine and played peek-a-boo with him and I was lucky enough to capture it on film.

We buried her yesterday. I gave a eulogy, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'll miss her terribly, especially as James continues to grow. She was an excellent mother and every time I think about taking a shortcut with my boy, I'll remember that grandma's watching, so I'd better do it right.

I go back to work on Monday, which is a dark cloud hanging over me. I'd really been hoping to spend some quality time with my boy, but the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of sitting in the hospital and preparing for the funeral. Even though I technically go back Monday, there's an event tomorrow that I planned, so I'll be gone from 9 am until 3 pm, so it's almost a full workday. Boo.

Here's the peek-a-boo video, as well as a picture of me, my mom, James, and my grandma on Valentine's Day