Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Emotions

Now that we are coming down something that resembles the "home stretch" of pregnancy, my emotions are all over the place.

Stress - I'm coming to accept the fact that I am a stress-prone person. You know those amazing people who can just sit back, relax, and trust that things will work out fine? I'm not one of them. I feel like the more planning/worrying I do in preparation for something, the better the outcome will be. In addition to attempting to complete every item on the Bump's pregnancy checklist, I've added a whole other slew of things to my to-do list. I'm trying to clean up the last bit of debris from our grass project in September, finish my Christmas shopping, and switch my summer non-maternity clothes for my winter ones. I am the one adding all this to my plate and stressing myself out. I just hope that it's part of my nesting instinct, rather than something that will continue into motherhood. Once Cashew's here, I hope to be able to let things slide and focus on him, rather than a massive to-do list.

Affection - I've been so touched by the big and small ways that people are showing their love for me, Brett, and the baby. From hosting showers to switching up Christmas plans to babying me on the couch, it's clear that there are tons of people around me who want my last months of pregnancy to be enjoyable. I'm so appreciative for that.

Isolation - At the same time that I'm touched by the support, I somehow find myself aching for time alone. I already feel like a little mama bear who just wants to be alone with her cub. All our friends and family members are making Thanksgiving, Christmas, and post-birth plans to come and see us. I totally understand that they are simply excited about meeting the little guy. At the same time, I find myself resenting every little intrusion. I must be in hibernating mode, because I really just want to spend the last bit of pregnancy and first bit of Cashew's life holed up at home with Brett.

I'm also struggling to disentangle which of my emotions are hormonal and likely to subside after pregnancy and which of them are just part of my character. I'm lucky to have Brett around, oftentimes whispering, "Relax" into my ear. Hearing this from him has a huge impact on me. I'm not a subservient wife, by any means, but when Brett asks me to do something, I always try my hardest to do it.

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