Sunday, December 20, 2009

2 Weeks of Motherhood

Yes, you'll probably notice that I am writing this post at 2:30 am. It is the early morning hours and I'm sitting with a Boppy around the waist and an amazingly hungry little boy at my breast. I've heard there's a 10 day growth spurt, but I feel like every day's a growth spurt with this little guy. He spends the days so calm and sleepy, then ends up very hungry throughout the night. I've started changing his diaper more frequently during the day in the hopes of waking him up for more frequent daytime feedings. Last night, he nursed every 30 minutes from 11 pm to 4 am!! I was a tired mommy. He did end up sleeping for 4.5 hours after that, though.

As I ponder my first two weeks of motherhood, I'm struck mostly by the high's and low's. Here they are...

Mommy High #1: I've never felt so proud of my body as the first time I breastfed James and knew that he was getting everything he needed from me. When he pulled away from my breast with a little stream of milk trickling down his chin, I was filled with pride. I've said lots of mean things about my body in the course of my lifetime. Sure, I'm shorter than I'd like and have always carried around an extra 10 pounds that I can't seem to lose. Despite all these shortcomings, my body's really coming through when it matters most.

Mommy High #2: James has started being alert for 30 minute stretches throughout the day. I swear I could sit for hours on end and just stare into his eyes. Half the time he's looking at the nearest light or ceiling fan, but every once in awhile he focuses in on me. I've read that he's most likely looking at my mouth, eyebrows, or hairline, not my eyes. I guess I don't even care what he's looking at. I just love knowing that his eyes are open and he's taking in the world around him.

Mommy High #3: This one's just a wee bit vain, but let's go with it anyway. I am wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans!! This victory comes with a number of caveats. First off, they were definitely my "fat" jeans. Secondly, they have some pretty serious strechiness to them. Lastly, they give me a pretty mean muffin top. Nonetheless, I can put them on, zip them, and even wear them comfortably. It makes me feel like a normal person again to wear pants with functioning zippers.

Mommy Low #1: Two nights ago when James was up for about 5 hours wanting to be nursed, my patience wore thin. Brett and I were both awake trying to get the little bugger to sleep, but nothing seemed to work. At one point, I moby wrapped him to me and started walking around the house. He continued to cry and my frustration reached a boiling point. I started crying and walked over to Brett, saying curtly, "Get him off of me." It all ended up okay when James slept for 4.5 hours later that night -- his longest stretch yet, but it was so frustrating until then.

Mommy Low #2: Just may have been earlier tonight. We celebrated Christmas with Brett's extended family. I had two drinks over the course of the entire evening, but Brett drank as he normally does. I was so jealous that he could drink all he wanted and simultaneously petrified that we were in for another long night with James. I was short with Brett, which he didn't deserve because he's been nothing but an amazing father and an equal contributor to all the work that comes with a new baby.

Mommy Low #3: Last weekend when my mom left after being with us for 5 days, I cried. I cried like a little girl. My mom started crying first because she was sad to leave the baby, then I started crying because I was scared shitless at the prospect of taking care of this kid without her. She's coming back in just a few days, so that'll be nice.

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