Friday, March 20, 2009

No Posts Because I've Been Sad

But things are looking up. Last you heard from me I had a bad night's sleep, but thought my O confirmation was right around the corner. Boy, was I wrong. I'm now on CD37 and still no O. I've had quite a bit of fertile CM, but no O. It has been very frustrating to say the least. I've been on pins and needles trying to figure out if it was about to come, timing intercourse, etc.

I buckled down a few days ago and bought some OPKs. I don't know that I'll use them going forward, but at least for this long, crazy cycle they are proving useful to help me determine whether we need to have sex. Yeah, I know some of you are sex fiends and do it every other day for fun. I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I'm game for an occasional romp, but only on my own timeframe, not according to my temps and CM.

You may wonder how I'm maintaining any sanity in this fertility purgatory. I'm trying to stay solutions-based. I ordered some Vitex this morning and am pretty much letting this cycle go. I am going to try to drink no more than three alcoholic drinks in a sitting going forward. I noticed on my chart that my temp spikes at just a drink too many. I'm also toying with the idea of temping vaginally to get some less erratic readings. It kinda grosses me out though.

I even had sex this morning with my husband for pure and total fun. I did all kinds of baby-making no-nos like climbing on top, standing up right away, douching, etc. Ok, I lied about the douching but everything else is true.

There were a few moments over the past two weeks when I completely flipped out and started working that this wasn't just one bad cycle but a precursor of things to come. I was worrying about PCOS, having tons of anov cycles in a row, etc. All that worrying can't be good for me, so I'm doing my best to let it go.

I've also found that focusing so much on TTC has made me lose sight of what I'm working towards. I started feeling like my ultimate goal is a BFP, when in fact what I really want is a healthy baby of my own. It's been nice to remember what I'm really working toward.

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